Saturday, August 27, 2005

Daycare SUCKS

We're getting kicked out of the new day care in two weeks. Came as a total shock, because every day I would talk to the staff and they would smile and brag about what a good day he had. Then last night the director (I think it was the director) called me on the phone and said they couldn't handle him. She said it in a polictially correct way that just made it sound worse, but I didn't get mad; however, I did push for more specifics. She was still vague, but I believe the problem is that they can't deal with his perseveration and stubborness. The staff is spending too much time trying to redirect him. On the other hand, he hasn't even thrown a tantrum there or hit anyone.

With all the positive B.S. the staff was feeding me every evening, I was actually considering keeping him there after December. I can't believe I trusted these people. Too cowardly to tell me the truth about my disabled son, and now it's to the curb for us. I knew it was too good to be true. It's not worth fighting to stay there, but James loves that damn place. I don't know how he is going to handle this. I can already hear him crying.

We've already been through this last month when he had to leave Open Door Preschool. I'm tired of being asked to leave. Anyway, my current strategy is to find an FDC home for afternoon care or get a baby sitter for the weekends/afternoons, just enough to get 40 hours a week. My problem is only for four months. I just have to make it until December, and then James will be in the special needs program at McBeth. In the mean time I've made a dozen phone calls and e-mails, so I'll probably be able to duct-tape something together.

I'll have to give up on mainstreaming in the short term. Some of the older kids at Children's Courtyard don't like him. I've overheard the things they say about him. He'll never quite fit in. Makes me wonder what those kids will grow up to be. Probably bigots and jerks, but they'll probably learn how to smile while doing it.


Blogger K. Langston said...

Paul: My son, Alec, who is also 4 and PDD-NOS, was also "kicked out of " his partial day preschool at our church when he was two. It was a humiliating experience, and I have a lot of anger over it, but in the long run, they helped plug me in to some resources that MADE ALL OF THE DIFFERENCE in Alec's life.

I write about it at:

In the long run, however, I am SO GLAD that this happened because it forced ME personally to get Alec into a program that could work on his specific issues, and he has come SO VERY far since then!

Have you called your school system about enrolling your son in programs there? Children aged 3 - 20 are guaranteed services by the IDEA educational law.

At first, I hated the though of my son being a "special needs" kid. I denied it for a while, then accepted it and vowed to do everything I could to beat it.

We've had our ups and downs, but Alec is doing so great now. We are using biomedical therapies recommended by our DAN! Doctor (a list of those are provided at the Autism Research Institute's website), and also, we've done ABA...not 40 hours, just 8/week, but even that made a huge difference.

As a single Dad, I know it's may seem overwhelming to deal with everything. I OFTEN felt that way, but it's helped to just do one thing each day to move Alec forward in his - and I will dare to say it - recovery.

I used to wonder if Alec would every be mainstreamed, but now I know he will be.

Hang in there! It will get better, I promise!

6:32 AM  
Blogger Wade Rankin said...

We've all been there. There was one time we got a laugh out of it when our son was rejected by a montessori school because he "only wants to do his own thing."

Great blog. Keep 'em coming.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're planning to move to Austin in approx. 4 weeks and it's nice to know that others have been there. My son (undiagnosed Asperger's) is 2 1/2 & I'm really wanting to go back to work again, partly just to help with my own sanity & to have adult conversation again. I love him to death of course, but between him & his Asperger's Dad, life can be kind of rough around our house sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the post b/c now I know not to even bother placing him into a daycare setting that will most likely not be able to handle him & will just cause him more stress.

Do you know what options are out there for situations like this? I don't think that I want to do a homedaycare situation unless the person had specific training in PDD/Autism...he can just be too much of a handful for someone without that experience. We have 4 children altogether, so cost is a factor in our consideration.

I would be ok with even part time daycare for him and am open to any ideas/suggestions, especially as to recommendations on how to get an official diagnosis. Please feel free to contact me at if you'd like to chat more or have any thoughts.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Paul Short said...


James used to go to Open Door Preschool, which was pretty good with disabled children. They try to maintain a ratio of 25% disabled children to 75% typical, and go up to age 5. Althought not cheap, it was moderate ($325?pt/$450? full per month).

Some home day cares do have experience with special needs children, and they tend to be musch cheaper (around $5 or so an hour). Quality of the place really depends on the provider, their home environment, and finding the "fit" for your child's needs. Avoid impatient people, counch potatoes, dark houses, places where all the kids are watching TV, or any environment that just doesn't feel right.

I was reluctant to go the home daycare route, but my options were quickly limited when James turned five. The first home day care did not work out, but James's current afternoon care, Dreams of Hope Ranch, is a home day care in the suburbs--not a rustic ranch with horses running all about. But they're a good family with two disabled family members of their own, so they understand special needs even better than I do and they keep him active.

I got 3 responses for sitters by posting on craigslist (, but the rates go from $10-$16 for special needs.

In Austin there is only one pediatric neurology group, 'Specially for Children ( The best thing for James has been Occupational, Physical, and Speech therapy at from The Heart Therapy Services (FTHTS) in West Lake (Southwest part of Austin off of Bee Caves/Hwy 360). The Austin Independent School District also provides speech evaluations and early intervention programs for three-year-olds, which I strongly recommend.

Good luck, and welcome to Austin.

7:26 PM  
Blogger diandra said...

Unfortunately, child care centers are rarely set up to handle special needs children.

The staff that did not tell you anything might have been the afternoon staff, might have been too uneducated to speak up or they may have been told that only the management could talk to parents

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My child, Chelsea, was never even accepted in any daycare! She is 15 now and thank goodness that crap is over for us. However, your local school system is obligated by IDEA to provide services for children age 3-21 with disabilities. Chelsea began school at the age of 4 and it was the best thing that ever happened to her!!!! Daycare is awful for children with autism. I don't know what is worse, not being accepted or being accepted. I haven't been that angry in a long time. Those caregivers really don't have any idea of how to care for autistic children. The public schools do, however. Fight, fight, fight for your child's rights. But be careful what you wish for... mainstream may not be best for your child. Anything!!!!! is better than daycare, however!

12:13 PM  
Blogger sosam said...

My son just get kick out Wednesday from daycare. They told us that everything is fine and that he's getting along with the teachers and with the other kids. I just don't understand how they can do that and my son has been going to that day for about two years. So i know how you feel

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came to this site trying to find info on caring for Asperger's child in my home daycare. Frankly, it kind of made me angry. The part that bothers me is that you say you want to go back to work to get your sanity because caring for your child is overwhelming, well, how do you think a home daycareprovider with 6or 7 other children feels. Trying to care for and infant and 6 other children is hard enough without having to worry every second that someone will be injured by this child. Not being able to leave them alone in a room (she is 8) because the child will have a tantrum or so on. We are not prejudiced against your child because they have something wrong. I feel terribly for my friend but it is extremely stressful for the caretaker also. Instead of being angry at home daycare providers who usually get into the profession to be able to be with their children, who don't you lobby for more government funded care centers for these children? Just a thought.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey honey (to the poster looking for info on an Aspie), if you get angry because someone with a special needs child is VENTING, you've got issues. Glad you aren't caring for MY child! The government paying for more services they know nothing about isn't the answer here, hello?!?!

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Stefanie said...

To the lady with the "ANGER" go to another site for whiners. You have no idea what it is like to have a child with autism. To the lady who wrote this blog however, I am with you all the way dear. My son, 7, has been kicked out of daycare after daycare. Each one knew in full what problems they were going to face with all my truthfulness. It is always the same old story. The fact of the matter is he did not ask to e born with this, and it is NOT there fault. I feel if I am paying you, you damn well better take care of my child. That is your job, if you don't like it then get another. I hope everything works out for you in finding someone that has a heart and knowledge, I am in the same boat. You can email me at if you ever wanna chit chat. Thank you.

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paul: I read your blog because I'm interested in working with children with special needs. I'm a child development major and I want to open a daycare of my own soon after I finish college. After working with children with autism, I realize that there aren't many options for parents before their children can be enrolled in public schools. I would like to have part of my daycare dedicated to children with autism and other special needs. Could you give me some insight in to what you would want for your son in a daycare? I wish I could help you out now, but unfortunately I will have to wait until after graduation. If you or any other of your blog readers would like to give me a little insight, please feel free to e-mail me. Thanks. ~Jennifer

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend, who has an autism son, paid me 4$/hour for his care. She does not care how much work is involved in caring for him. Pay the same price for special care kids...Plus, my 3 kids don't have normal family time with me. Finally I stop doing it.

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy this was really interesting. I work from home and punch a time clock, and am expected to produce during my working hours. I have a son with PDD-NOS and a 2 year old and live with an elderly mother in law whose sanity has never been very good (have known the family for a long time). I am caught between the fact that my job which is a dream come true to work from home has no part time positions and the fact that my gut tells me that I need to get my kids away from their grandmother's constant belligerance (please excuse my bad spelling). My only other choice is daycare. I have been thinking about using up all the savings, retirment accounts, etc. until both the boys are in school so I can quit, or just putting them in daycare four days a week (I work on Sunday's when my husband is off). I was searching the internet to find out how hard it was for a child with PDD to be in a daycare. In this situation, I thought a more structured childcare center would be more suitable for him. Now I am not so sure.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you think you have issues now, wait until your son is over the age of 12. At that age, NO daycare has to accept him. NONE. ( And they wont). wait to you discover this is NOTHING AFTER DAYCARE to take care of your child.
Quit bitching now. I HAVE a disabled son. I had it EASY until he reached 12.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel it is important to remember that not all daycare situations are the same. I have a masters degree in inclusive education and work at a daycare center that embraces children with different abilities (including autism). From 6:30 - 9:00 each morning, I supervise the before school program. I watch 15 kids ranging from ages 5-12. One of the children, an 8 year-old boy, has autism. Although every morning is a struggle, I would never even consider asking that boy's parents not to bring him anymore.

It is vital to research all the possible options before assuming that every daycare situation will be horrible for a child with autism. The reason why so many daycare situations do not work out for autistic children is because the workers are not always required to be certified in working with children who have developmental disabilities. Before choosing any daycare, make sure they can explain to you HOW they will meet your child's needs. Simple stating that they can handle a child with autism is not enough if they cannot provide you with backing for that claim.

Be sure that when contacting providers, you are clear in explaining all the individual characteristics of your child. If you don't make this clear to the daycare, then you are setting both your child and the daycare up for frustration.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The parents with the "bigots" and "jerks" have a right, just as you do, to a safe environment for their children. We are all in the same boat as parents. Parents with children with no issues are faced daily with having to deal with the damage children with "issues" create for other children, yet WE are the ones expected to teach our children while yours gets a free pass because of their condition, so, in essence, you are saying that your child is unteachable which is nothing more than a cop-out. Being a parent is hard. Being a working parent is harder. Being a parent who reaches out to the blogosphere for help and resource ideas instead of venting about how our children are "bigots" and "jerks" is even harder. I guess it's the easy route by calling innocent children learning social cues names like "bigots" and "jerks, yet if our children called your child derogatory names that realted to their condition, we'd be bad parents accused of not teaching our children compassion which you are clearly lacking. If you want compassion, you must show it. Why should I give you compassion after reading how you think that my child is a "bigot" or "jerk"?

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't be so single minded. He didn't say 'your' child is a bigot and jerk, he said that the children who say mean things about his son probably will grow up to be bigots and jerks. If that is your child then teach your child some compassion! I would be so embarrased if i caught my child putting down any child.
I agree that the children who don't have a special need may be the brunt of unacceptable behaviour however these children with the special need can't help their reactions or how the world affects them. They see things differently from us and all it needs are some kind caring people who understand and will teach their children to also care and understand.
I don't have a child with a special need but i am a preschool teacher who has tought children with special needs. I also have a fantasitc parent network who understand children with special needs. After all, they are all children.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I absolutely know what you're going through...I have twin 4 year olds and they both have Autism...imagaine that...2 Autistic kids.. they have been kicked out of every school and when I call looking for help, I hit another wall. Its frustrating that there is no help!!

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I get so upset with people when they say it's okay well its not okay cause there not the ones who have kids with autism and they don't know how it is to walk in our shoes has parents. I have child and I will have to say its very hard. I'm not married but everytime I do date someone its hard for me to tell them cause once you do they take a step back and don't call for a second or third date. I'm very bless now cause I have found a home private sitter who has done alot of work with my son

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know I didnt even read all of what you wrote. My son also has PDD ASD and ADD. Im a single mother and work on an ambulance. I cant go back to school or anything like that becasue of my disabled childs needs. Its not fair, not to him me or his twin. Why cant there ever be any answers or help when you need em? Ill never understand. What am I suposed to do?


5:58 AM  
Blogger Annette said...

I have a B.S. degree in special education, and then I ended up becoming a regular education teacher at the middle school level. Over the years I have taught many inclusion classes, some of which have had children with autism. For some reason out of the blue lately as I've been praying about what direction to go with furthering my education and/or career, I have felt so strongly about starting a daycare/learning center for children with autism. I then got on the Internet to see if centers like this exist, but instead I found your blog and read the heartache and cries for help from so many parents. Thank you all for sharing your hearts. It really helps to confirm to me that this is something I'm supposed to do. I plan now to further my education to include a specialty in working with children with autism. After I get my training, I hope to somehow get funding to open up a daycare/learning center that will specialize in care for autistic children only. Thank you for breaking my heart enough to pursue this. Hang in there. God bless you.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Annette said...

I have a B.S. degree in special education, and then I ended up becoming a regular education teacher at the middle school level. Over the years I have taught many inclusion classes, some of which have had children with autism. For some reason out of the blue lately as I've been praying about what direction to go with furthering my education and/or career, I have felt so strongly about starting a daycare/learning center for children with autism. I then got on the Internet to see if centers like this exist, but instead I found your blog and read the heartache and cries for help from so many parents. Thank you all for sharing your hearts. It really helps to confirm to me that this is something I'm supposed to do. I plan now to further my education to include a specialty in working with children with autism. After I get my training, I hope to somehow get funding to open up a daycare/learning center that will specialize in care for autistic children only. Thank you for breaking my heart enough to pursue this. Hang in there. God bless you.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm happy I ran across this post. I am a single mom, 37, with a 10 year old with ADD, Aspergers/PDD. My son has emotional outbursts at times, and is stubborn, but for the most part, has more good happy days than bad. He has been kicked out of sitters, and daycares, I'm out of options myself, soon will lose my job as a state employee, best job around here. I've fought years, long and hard to keep the job, yet I'm losing the battle. Only needed full time sitter during the summer, 3 weeks before school, how ironic, only needed someone for an hour in the mornings during school. He goes thru a mental health agency, they've exhausted their resources to help me themselves. If anyone has any bright ideas to help me out, please email me at For you daycare providers that have problems with caring for disabled children, I used to do daycare. I know it is stressful at times, but I'm pretty sure you were forewarned on the childs disability. It isn't the childs fault that things do not run smoothly for you. Unless the aspie is threatening suicide, or damaging you, your children, or your property, I don't see why you can't suck it up, you are paid for a service, it is YOUR JOB. If you cannot handle it, you need to take more training, which is part of your job also, you can usually get free training and resources through your health department I am certain of. You are working that job to make a difference in childrens lives, and the parents, not for the simple convenience of babysitting a few children to get by with staying at home with your own children, I am sorry to sound brutal, but I have been on BOTH sides of the fence, and your excuses do not cut it.

7:10 PM  
Blogger devon. said...

I just stumbled upon this when looking up some things on google, hm. I think it's so awful that people get kicked out of daycares for stuff like this; The 6 year old boy I work with right now got denied entry to a school program, but some loophole got him in, if I remember his mother correctly.

I'm curious; I've been thinking a lot about the logistics of opening a children's daycare geared towards developmental disabilities, or specifically autism, are there any specific things you would like to see in a setting like that? Other then licensed professionals to work with the kids of course. I've got so many ideas right now and I'm interested in what other people think would be important.

Thanks for being so dedicated to your blog and keeping up with it for everyone. :)

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People dont believe me but i know that autism is the result of the kind of childcare we are giving to our kids specially in countries in the West. Lack of affection and personal touch in infancy, dropping the kids at daycare when they are still in their sleep n dreams, a day full of strangers, surrounded by crying infants,lack of affection by the caregiver, all are causes of autistic and anxiety behaviors that is on rise and has become an epidemic. Stay-at-home moms are so rare, kids see their parents when its already dark and its time to eat and tuck in bed. These are the causes of all anxiety disorders that we see around us. 6 weeks of post maternity leave ??? what are we giving to our society, kids with mental and behaviorial problems !!!!

12:52 PM  
Anonymous your sexual said...

I read really much worthwhile data in this post!

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"anonymous": Your view that autism is caused by bad parenting and lack of displays of affection simply illustrates how uneducated you are in the field of autism. Scientific research does not support what you claim to "know", and that is why people don't believe you. Your classification of autism as an "anxiety disorder" is another inaccuracy that illustrates this.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Lauren L. said...

To the idiot that thinks Autism is a result of bad parenting: I was a stay at home mother with my child. Her father worked overnights, so both of us were home with her during her waking hours. And you know what? She still has Asperger's Syndrome.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I have exhasuted all my resources for my son. He is now 10 and going into his final year at elemantary school. There are no day cares equipment to take him and the minute he breathes in the wrong direction he is auto out the door. They don't give him a chance. Private care is to expensive. Nannies are a thousand dollors a months and I am so desperate for help and there is none. I have called the ARC, MHMR, Austim Society. Spent days on the phone searching internet and eveything I find is private care. I wont be able to much work longer at this point, think I have till summer and then its in the car until they take that away. Running out of family and friends to watch him. It sucks becuase he in not profound autist. He just has anger that wont stop. He gets upset and will shove a kid or something and boom he's out. Anybody got any advice other than putting him on dangerous medications? We hav tried that route before becasue there was not a choice. The side effects are devasting and put him in the hospital. If anbody has an idea, please share....deperate in Austin, Texas before I loose my mind. I cant take it anymore. Thousands of hours doing applied behavior therpay the school has learned to take care of him just fine. But the day care...which I have to have to make it to and from work is not working not to mention summer care and during the hundred school holidays a year. Any personal e-mail is Please don't send ugly messages. last thing I need.

7:19 AM  
Anonymous melissa s said...

I am so glad to see that I am not the only one with Daycare issues!!! =) We are currently going through the same thing with my 8 yr old autistic son. He has come so far in school (going from having a full time aide to being mainstreamed into the reg ed classroom) but yet we still struggle with issues at daycare. We have offered training for thier staff from our ABA therapists to help they understand and handle situations with our son, but nothing seems to help. We are doing everything that is available to us to help our son succeed, but we are still stuck with issues at daycare!! At first I just thought it was because it was an Army run program, but after reading this, I see its everywhere. We have thought about taking him out and putting him in a home based daycare, but then we fear that he will not get the social interaction that is needing!

4:21 AM  
Blogger Jessicalee said...

My son is also 4 and has PDD-NOS. Last June he had finally gotten to the point that I was almost completely overwhelmed. He was very close to being non-verbal. He only spoke one or two words at a time or repeated phrases that he's heard before..but none of it ever really had meaning. I Called our local AEA and after fighting them for a couple months I got ahold of one of the directors who had me pointed in the right direction in less than a day. Max has been in preschool since November and can now speak with meaning and has much less melt downs than before. This is a preschool in our main school district that is designed for kids with behavioral or developmental delays. They really have done wonders for me. As for daycare, I tried a daycare center and ended up leaving because I found out they were strapping him into a high chair and literally shoving food into his mouth because he wouldn't eat. I then found an in home daycare. I was really concerned about it at first but I must say..she has been my savior!! She watches both of my kids along with several others. They all play well together and she reads them books and really puts it all out there for them. You can just tell that she loves him by the way she looks at him. So keep trying! In home daycares normally have more time to spend one on one time with your kids. Also, I use a schedule for helps him prepare for what is to come so he's not caught off gaurd when it's time to switch activities.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just found this thread, and wow, one of the saddest and most discouraging ones i have ever seen.

i am a family day care educator, and was considering to work with a child who has autism. i have two healthy children of my own, and decided to start family day care, because we could not afford for me to stay at home with the boys and be "only"a stay at home mum (which i believe is one of the most important jobs). i do not have any special training or anything such when it comes to children with special needs, but understand it is difficult for people who are involved - especially the parents and siblings. i am meant to meet this family next week sometime to talk to them, and see if i could take their child, but just reading this thread, makes me believe i should not. it breaks my heart, that people - parents and educators - who are both trying to do the best for children can become this mean and rude towards each other. i understand that there are some daycares that do not do a great job, and trust me you do not need to have a child with special needs to have a bad experience. children - whether with special needs or not - should be appreciated, and cared for. but there ARE daycares where they take children with special needs because they believe they can help and end up realizing that it was a bad decision, because they can not provide the care the child needs.
just by reading this post i get the feeling that i should not even consider taking him, because i can try my best, but at the end of the day, if things dont work out, there will be no appreciation for trying, there will be only angry parents, who have to go and try to find an other daycare.
as well, i understand that it is impossible for some, but for others if they find that there is no way to find a daycare for their child, they can start one for them. i have a university degree, and could do something else, where i could get paid a lot more, but sometimes you have to decide what is more important.

Life is hard as it is, parents and carers should try to work together to do the best for their children, we should try to make sure there are more programs for children with special needs and more awarness rather than waisting our energy and sanity on lashing out at each other.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Day care is awful . . . I get told how great my son is doing then the therapist tells me how he is getting bullied.
Day care staff didn't tell me b/c . . . . . . they didn't know. They weren't paying attention, weren't close enough, etc. Single parenting an ASD kiddo is just punishingly hard.
Hang in there . . .

12:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't you parents with all the know-how and compassion for autism put your money where your mouth is and open up day cares for asd sufferers in your homes? Apparently, there's training readily available from your state health departments, according to one of you and you have loads of personal experience. You could take kids over the age of 12, too.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can totally feel your pain! My son is 6 next month and the daycares have kicked us out due to his autism! I went to pay for one and they called me 30 mins to come and retrieve him! When I asked if they were capable of handling an autistic child they said YES. Well needless to say, I kept my money in my pocket!
I cannot work because of his special needs. I love my son but can use the extra money for his therapy since ABA isn't covered here in Virginia. Anyone know how I can make money and still take of my child?

Also, I too have my share of ups and downs, and there isn't a day that goes by where I too deny him being a "special needs" child. NOW I'm a grizzly bear trying everything in my power to help him beat it.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It so good to know that I am not the only one going through this. Our school district only provides school for 2 hours a day 4 days a week that is not enough for an autistic child. I can't keep her in daycare because its too hard to handle. AZ sucks for support.

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a preschool teacher and have two autistic brothers, so I understand full well how both the family and the center feel. However, I'm going to say this from a purely business standpoint. When you sign those contracts for the center, make sure read it carefully. All providers usually reserve the right to terminate any child's enroll they want. For whatever reason they want. It is a business after all, so why would they keep a child that takes up to many resources when they could easily feel that spot? Of course that is a horrible way to do things. 😐

12:13 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm not sure when this was written, but it is a story that I have heard time and time again as a provider. I am opening up a therapeutic daycare for children with special needs. It is so needed in the special needs community. Here is some info about it. I wish you all the best!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To all of you ppl out there who don't have a special needs child:

I know it must be frustrating to all you parents out there who don't have special needs children to have to "tolerate" all the children, and their families who do have special needs children. However, please try to remember, the reason why they call them special needs children is because they are just that, children with SPECIAL NEEDS.

We have a son who is now 5, he was diagnosed when he was diagnosed at age 3. He was diagnosed with PDD, Tourette's disorder, non-verbal learning disability, OCD tendencies, symptoms of asp burgers syndrome, and ADHD. I hired a lawyer to file for disability for him this past summer, he was just accepted for disability this last month. WOW! Let me tell you what! Our son has a lot of affection in him, he shows it to me the most because I'm his primary care giver, and I'm closest to him than anybody, but he doesn't always know how to show affection, or how to interact with ppl the way other children his age do. It's not that he's naughty, or wants to hurt other ppl, or cause a "scene", he just has a harder time self regulating than other children, because of a neurological condition that he can't control, anymore than you can control if you breath or not. Yes, you can hold your breath for a minute or so, but you will gasp for air at a minute or so. You can't help but to breath, the same as they can't help how they are. Children with special needs are tossed aside, made fun of; and not only by kids, by adults sometimes too, excluded, abused and a number of other unfavorable, sometimes horrible things all because ppl don't care!

We don't expect ppl to roll out a red carpet for us everywhere we go, but ya know, would you tell a kid without arms he can't eat because nobody wants to help them eat, or a child who is blind they can't get up and move because nobody wants to help them and they would just be in the way, or ignore a def child because they can't hear you anyway? Most ppl would say no to all those questions and think it would be ridiculous if ppl did do those things to kids like that, however, a lot of ppl don't think twice when they tell a child with a disability such as autism that they can't be included because they are too loud, instead of having patience and showing them how to be quieter with an example, even if it is every 5 minutes, ppl don't stop feeding a paraplegic because they have to feed them everyday several times a day. When ppl isolate and exclude children with autism, they know that is happening, they just don't see or understand things the same way we do or other children do.

Our son used to go to preschool until we found out the teachers helper was making our son eat his own boogers, and pinching him, she would tell me what a monster our son was when I'd go pick him up from school, and yes she'd actually say monster. The school didn't even fire her, never had any unpaid leave or anything, they wouldn't even take her out of his classroom! I had to take him out of the school, the following year, he was still in preschool age, he just turned 5 at end of FEb. she was still there, I had to demand she didn't have any contact with our son. The kids in his class would completely exclude him, call him weird, odd and stupid with very little intervention from the teachers, I knew this because I went and observed more than once. They didn't want to help him go to the bathroom, so they put him in diapers, ones that were WAAAY too small at that, and wouldn't change him, and get after him when he'd soil the diapers they put him in.

Now, tell me, what would YOU do if ppl treated YOUR child like this? Ppl with autistic children go through stuff like this, sometimes worse all the time!

DONT even get me started on how ppl act toward us and our son when we go out in public, I wish ppl wouldn't be so ignorant.

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to the parents and children who have had negative experiences with child care. I am a special needs teacher and have taught children on the ASD spectrum for 11 years. I have heard these stories from many parents. Parents have often asked me to open up a day care for special needs children. Although I thought about it many times, reality begins to set in. You have to hire professionals that have specialized training in autism and pay them well. The bottom line is that it is expensive to open a day care for special needs children.
So I ask myself:
Why are there no IDEA funds to provide day care to children with Autism?
Why should parents struggle to find day care that specializes in Autism?
This is unacceptable!
As educators, we strive to provide the best education to children with special needs in the least restrictive environment. Shouldn't the law extend to provide quality day care?
As parents, you are your child's biggest advocate. Keep fighting and perhaps things will change.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a daycare owner.... Liability!! We don't get paid enough, we can't afford one to one ratio... Sometimes that is what is needed!

4:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a child with autism and I completely understand why autistic children are kicked out of daycare after daycare. My son have very destructive/violent tendencies. What are they supposed to do? There is no one on one care. He was kicked out of the school care program at public school. He is on medication, he goes to therapy he goes to specialists etc. He is involved in every help program I can get him into. As a single mom with another child, I have to work and I have a good job. That is the only way I can support myself and my two kids. When my son walks up and bites or kicks another child or staff member on several occasions, do you really think they should be forced to deal with that? Even the ADA says they don't have to. If my child poses a direct threat, they can kick him out. They did. I don't blame them. Don't those workers and the other children have the right to be safe? He didn't ask for this and neither did I and it is awful but I also can't expect other people to let him destroy their stuff and hurt them. I'm all for my child's rights but I also support the rights of others. I am doing my best to find new childcare. It is horrible and stressful and I am an upset, anxious mess. I feel sorry for my daughter. She is only 2 years older than him and I can see what this lifestyle is doing to her. She doesn't want to go to the grocery store for fear of the meltdown that will most likely happen. All I can do is pray and do everything in my power to be the best Mom and make the best of this situation... for both of my kids.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm currently deciding whether or not to return to work in April when my LO will be almost 18 months old, just for 2 days a week. But a child care center is our only option as his grandparents are all still working full time themselves and there is a huge waiting list for family day care. I've visited the child care center and I am very happy with the quality of care. And the best thing is it is only 3 doors down from my workplace.
What has been your experience with childcare....?
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Blogger teamJPL said...

That part where u said u want to get back to work just to keep u sane and have an adult conversation, is the exact line i tell my husband everyday. I have a 2 1/2 boy, delayed both in speech and fine motors (undiagnosed yet). He was kicked out from daycare after 3 weeks. They told me he needs a one on one type of care. I felt bad, a little bit embarassed, i felt hopeless. I want to go back to work for same reason. I feel like im on the brink of depression. Been unemployed for more than a year. I dont want to hire a nanny, aside that its costly, i dont think someone would be able to handle him. Its the doctors advice to enroll him in a daycare setting so he would be exposed to other children might help him cope up with his developmental delays.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Angela Lee said...

I am a provider. I had a parent tell me that their child has a little speech delay and just a little physically slow but overall normal. She also told me that the child is potty trained. We have the experience on working with special needs children who are in the autism spectrum. An evaluator came in to evaluate the child and told the parents their child is on the spectrum. They refused to hear it. As we continue care for this child, we have found that she requires more support than anticipated. The parents still are in denial. I have to spend a lot of time helping this child and less with my other 8 kids. I had to terminate her contract due to the fact that we have exhausted our resources. We do not have the support to help this individual thrive. It is not about the money, it is about finding the best support for this child. I felt that i will do this child a disservice if i continue to take her.

4:58 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I disagree with you! I am a stay at home mom. I hold my child. I love on my child. I play with my child. We do activities together. I'm a great mom. I read all the books. I do all the things a great mom is suppose to do.... but.... yesterday my 20 month old was diagnosed with autism... its heart breaking. Autism isn't from being a bad parent or a neglected child. It just happens. If your kids don't have autism be thankful. If your kids do have autism like my little boy love them even more and know that it's not your fault.

11:56 AM  
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